So first things first… how the heck do you EVEN FIND MOMS GROUPS? Do you go on craigs list and put out an add…

nice married lady, looking for a good time with newborn-Breast feeds-baby carries-church going- yoga lover-LIKES PINA COLADAS but only if they are organic & sugar free…

My mom told me to call all the local churches and ask about mommy and me groups. My friend told me to go on facebook and search mommy and me groups in my area in LA. I know what your thinking don’t I have friends that have babies, well yes but I ALSO LIVE IN LA which means we have the 405 traffic and driving even to another part of the city with a newborn screaming in her car seat is not just an adventure its well … a full day for us. It could be scheduled at the perfect time right after nursing and diaper change between 11-2 and I would totally drive to visit my girl friends and their babies and have play dates and grab coffees and go for walks. Thats in perfect mom world however, in my world I just can’t imagine it going like that, I know my flaws. So I have decided I will date different moms groups.

 

Just like dating first you must find a way to meet said moms groups without being creepy, desperate or needy. You have to somehow invite your self out with said groups or have a member of said group invite you in. And just like dating you must present yourself in all your glory and charm to members of said moms groups so they want you to keep coming back and they invite you to other activities. This moms group dating seems already like it will be exhausting, just like dating. Plus just like a teenager dating I have no idea what to expect when I go out with these moms groups. I am already psyching myself out and I haven’t even put myself out there yet! YIKES! In a normal situation I would just show up somewhere strike up a convo with someone I had something in common with and become their mommy BFF overnight, but it feels like it will be different with a whole moms group. Are you all perfect pinterest moms? Do you go do crafts? Do you meet and talk about having a baby? Do you show up and have to do an intro every week and share time? Or because its LA is it going to be hard to even get into these groups did I need to sign up months ago?

Once you join a moms group are you in the group for life and you cant join another moms group, like a mom gang. 

And what if you find a group but you don’t like them and just like dating one side breaks up or what if the ring leader doesn’t like you but you love the group? Seriously though I have NO IDEA what to expect or how to find a moms group or what you even do in a moms group. I googled moms group LA for a start… Theres a lot that pops up. The best mom and me classes, moms clubs, moms meet ups, baby boot camp, a bar called moms. I however have not really found a lot of ways to get into moms groups or mommy and me groups or to find out who attends these groups.

And trust me I have read all the advice on how to pick a moms group and where to go and why. Do you want to find friends, YES. Do you want to parenting advice or to talk out parenting issues in a non-judgemental setting, YES. Do you want support on issues like breast feeding, cluster feeding, other mom issues, YES. Do you want a safe and supportive space with no cattiness YES does this place exist? Just like dating you will have to decide what is most important and what your goals are in this experience. Just like in dating you will have to take an oath to not kiss and tell, not literally, but just like in dating you can’t share moms group secrets. Moms share personal info in the meetings and have to trust everyone in the group not to blab away their stories, even when you think its super weird or you’ve never heard of it. Parenting is the most individual experience in the world, and its a right as a parent to parent how you see fit and not to have others judge you or comment on it, plus its hard enough being a mom without other moms making you feel bad.

So just like dating I am going to put my ego aside, get out there, and make the first move if I must, and in a non-mom-blaby way I will document my mom dating adventures. PS if you have any suggestions for moms groups in LA please leave them below for me to check out! 🙂

If you were like me you read EVERY post on what you needed in your hospital bag… you pinned like 30 different things so you would remember what you needed and you watched 20 different youtube videos about what to pack.

HOWEVER, WHAT DO YOU REALLY NEED IN YOUR HOSPITAL BAG?!

For me I literally used like 5 things. We were only in the hospital like 32hours after birth, but I didn’t need a lot. I used my nursing bra, I had a pair of thigh high socks for comfort and warmth, I used my nursing cape for when guests came over, I wore my mama-strut which has shorts(and its an amazing way to help pull everything back together), and I used my 2changes of underwear. (obvi)  I used my toiletries: toothbrush, toothpaste, soap & face wash, face moisturizer, etc… And I used the ice pack pads that the hospital gave me and a few pairs of their disposable underwear. I had a cute black dress and my boots for leaving the hospital and a nursing scarf. That was all I needed personally.

I didn’t need to bring extra maxi-pads, the hospital has plenty and they offer you the ice pack ones. I didn’t read the book I brought but I did glance at the magazine my sister in law brought me in the hospital. I didn’t use slippers, I wore my socks and didn’t leave the room(new moms I doubt you will leave the room). I didn’t need my own fancy hospital gown, when your in labor you don’t even care if your naked who sees you or what you have covering you. I didn’t use a robe, but I do know some moms LOVE to have robes just to cover up. I didn’t need a labor ball to squeeze but I did use an empty bottle of lotion to squeeze. I didn’t use the yoga pants, or pajamas, or the change of clothes I brought.

I also packed a bag for my daughter. In her bag I packed an infant boppy for nursing, a warm onesies for her first night (even though we didn’t need it the hospital gives you a beanie, a sweater, a onesie, blankets to borrow, burp cloths, diapers, wipes, disposable changing pads, nasal aspirator, thermometer, and a few other things). I brought an outfit to take her home in and a warm blanket for her first car ride in the car seat. I had her diaper bag packed in the car and ready to go but we didn’t use a thing in it. The hospital said no pacifiers until my milk came in and they provided mostly everything else we needed.

There were just a few things I wish I had packed. My number 1 was snacks the hospital feeds you but only 3 meals a day and you order them at random times, I forgot to order 2 meals because I was so tried. The hospital has a cafeteria and snack store but moms you won’t leave the room. My hospital had a drink room in the hall with juice, milk, sodas, water, coffee, teas, and other items. I wish I had remembered to bring a blanket for her or a swaddle cloth to bring home to our dog. I doubt you will do any make up but if you want to bring a makeup bag you can. Look I’m all about being cute too I curled my hair for my daughters birth and put on makeup for her, but when I didn’t sleep 24 hours of labor and a day later after birth I didn’t care if I had make up on or not. After I took a shower I did however put on mascara and some lip gloss and try to look less tired!

 

 

 

I am so blessed to breast feed, I keep reading about woman who couldn’t breast feed or who tried it and it wasn’t for them. I get to spend this special time with my daughter skin to skin or just popping out a boob that I truly do treasure. BuT MAN IS IT HARD WHEN THEY CLUSTER FEED! So your nipples hurt, and by hurt I mean they bleed, they scab over, and when baby latches on its not just a pinch its like a clamp. OUCH! And don’t get me started on cluster feeding- it’s a 24/7 attachment to your breasts, literally, it’s a non-stop feed session. My friend recently said this to me “my daughter cluster fed for 3months, your going to have breakdowns, your going to cry, your going to think it never gets better but then it does” my other friend said “I’ve been stuck on the couch for weeks, I literally can’t do anything, I’ve watched everything on netflix” someone online told me “treasure this time because its your special time with her and it goes so fast”

In the midst of this human cow phase where your boobs are not longer sexy but become a human feeding machine, a pacifier when they want to soothe, and a constant bleeding scabby mess you realize how this is so not what you thought the “newborn phase” was. Didn’t someone tell you newborns sleep all the time and have schedules where you can nap and get stuff done when they nap? You stop wearing a bra completely because well whats the point at home when you know your baby is about to latch on in the next 2minutes even though they just fed twice. You worked so hard to not get stretch marks during pregnancy but you’ve come to realize that you are going to have them on your boobs because you can’t use fancy creams you don’t want to use anything with chemicals that baby could smell or touch or taste, you try coconut oil on the whole boob hoping there won’t be marks but then you realize your baby is about to latch on the second after you put on any type of oil or the nipple balms they make. You have accepted the fact that you will take a shower maybe every other day, if you take a shower daily your lucky and you should high 5 yourself if you do! You realize that you really won’t be going back to the gym or yoga studio or salon anytime soon…. you planed on it you pumped a bottle you have grandma ready and then your lil one won’t accept anything except your boob and some mommy cuddle time! It makes you feel very special but its also a bit overwhelming. My daughter literally just wants to be attached to me every second. I bought an app for baby development and it says that “baby views mom and baby as one entity” THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME! My daughter thinks we are still attached and when we are not she is not a happy baby.

Don’t get me wrong I AM IN LOVE WITH MY BABY! I am in love with her crying, her cute lil’ cooing, her cute teradactyl screams, her constant need for me and that I am her everything. I wouldn’t change this for anything but it is hard! You do want to cry a few times and you do sit around thinking who am I at this point in my life? Then you get creative, my Zen is my ergo carrier right now because my baby will actually nurse, fall asleep and I can be hands free.(thank you aunt Jeanie) And my light weight baby jogger because its quick out of the car  (thank you aunt Elissa).  I take her on walks and we get out as much as possible. I also spend my time reading mommy blogs and advice on breast feeding. What to eat, what to make, how to check the latch and how to not go crazy. I found a way to do baby sit-ups (yes this is a thing) I stretch out when I can because I can’t find an hour to make yoga so I do little yoga session between milk comas. I eat and type now when baby is nursing I found two boppys and pillow stacks very helpful for this, although I have to shamefully admit I have spilled food on her onesies, I even put receiving blankets over her so I don’t and somehow I still manage to, she doesn’t seem to mind though she just keeps getting deeper into her milk comas. Our pediatrician told us that they cluster feed during growth spurts, well I guess our lil’ Adora-dactyl is growing a lot and I am happy for this and for netflix, hulu, HBO now, CBS all access and iPhones (she did gain all her weight back-YIPPIE!)

I realize that this new baby time is precious and priceless and that I should enjoy it because they do grow up so fast she’s already 2weeks old! I cried because at babies r us they had a keepsake box for their little shoes and newborn hats! So trust me moms out there I am not taking this time for granted and I am so in love with my baby, but its hard, and all you moms know what I’m talking about. We’ve had help gosh I can’t imagine if the moms haven’t been here to help, my mom was here 2 weeks and Brendons mom is here now! This new mommy phase is so crazy but no I wouldn’t change my life right now for anything in the world, and I can’t wait to watch my lil’ angel grow up. So when you see me with puffy cry eyes, or bags because I haven’t slept in days, when I have the same outfit on or when I post an insta trying to look like I have it all together don’t judge just know I’m trying to figure it all out too, and experience everything – after all we only live this time in our lives once I will never have a first baby again and I will never get to experience this time again with such a sense of newness and wide eye amazement because after this I will be a pro (ha!) and the first time confusion wondering and constant praying you don’t mess up will seem like a dream. So I’ll take this time like I do everything else in my life and go for it 100% and experience everything I can and really enjoy this part of life also, even when the going gets hard and tiring, I wouldn’t give up this part of life or this part of my journey for anything.  OH AND GRAB A LITER OF WATER, SNACKS, YOUR SMART PHONE, A FEW PILLOWS AND GET READY FOR A MARATHON.

I want to start this post by saying stating that Brendon and I DID NOT GO to any birthing classes. In part because I didn’t want to poison my brain on how hard it would be. In part because I wanted to experience this the first time when I was in the delivery room. My entire pregnancy I told myself that labor would be easy and I told myself that no matter what the end goal was our baby and we didn’t want to put pressure on myself and Brendon was open to whatever I needed in the moments of labor. I kept telling everyone I met Im not worried about it I think she’ll be like 3 pushes and come out and it won’t even hurt.

I did watch a few youtube videos on labor but nothing that talked about pain and nothing that mentioned any hard labor or difficult labor or labor pains etc. as soon as it did I turned the video off.

Bottom line I wanted to go into labor with an open mind and no expectations! 

The day we went into labor, yes ladies I said WE, sorry but Brendon was just as big a part of this as I was. No he didn’t push or feel the burn but he was by my side the entire time he didn’t sleep and he had to help me work through each contraction to have the mental ability to do this. I am so blessed to have him and he showed me again how much of a man and a partner he really is! I have a new respect for him.

Well the day we went into labor I felt like I was going to have baby today. I just knew. My contractions were close and painful. My body was slow, tired, and felt heavy, I actually felt like I was dragging the entire morning. I started bad contractions at 5am. I had a doctors appointment and an appointment for another NST in the afternoon, Brendons mom and my sister and mom were on their way to come out for the birth and to help. This was going to happen today, I was so excited even through the pain, I think so excited that the nurses all thought I was a bit crazy and that there was no way I was going to have baby today. They all told me I was calm, excited, smiling, beaming, and seemed like I wasn’t even going to have a baby. I knew she was coming, mothers intuition. I had my appointments and was dilated 3cm! YAHOO! My OB told me I was going to have the baby that night she told me we could stay and go to labor and delivery or go home and rest and try to take my mind off of everything. So living a mile from the hospital I decided to go home and wait it out. I couldn’t rest, between contractions and excitement I couldn’t even lay my head down. I was REALLY tired but then a contraction would come and it was painful so I worked my little energy into breathing with the contractions and Brendon would literally rub and squeeze my feet every contraction. This was amazing make your partner do this! TRUST ME LADIES! The hours past and when I started to REALLY feel contractions I went back to L&D I was dilated to 4cm UGH but baby was low and my water bag was tight. This was around 8pm and I was just ready to start everything, I was in pain and nervous now and anxious to meet my baby. The OB on call said I could stay or go home again but I wanted to be at home where I was more comfortable at least for a few hours. 9:30pm OUCH! still hanging on. To cope with these contractions we used a heating pad, Brendons rubbing of my feet, yoga breathing (deep breaths in and out), positive thinking and coaching from Brendon (examples: just think your going to have baby after this) and just pushing through. We then watched the American Idol finale so that helped distract me. 10:30 unbearable contractions, Brendon and I jump into the warm shower and I take 2 Tylenol. This helps temporally, he tries to set up a bath for me but this just didn’t help, I got to hot and felt awful, I couldn’t relax so I went down to bed to try to rest a bit, I swear I heard a pop(it probably was in my head) but I told him we had to go back to the hospital at 12. We arrive in the ER and they send us up to L&D. I am dilated 9cm! HECK YES BABY IS COMING! We also had just passed the most crucial parts of dilation from 7-9cm so now its smoother sailing, or so I thought. Once we were sent to a room it started, going from 9-10cm dilation  and this lasted hours or so it felt, the contractions at this point were really hard but with the help of our nurse April who I swear is the contraction whisper and Brendon I would inhale and blow the contraction out. Brendon held my hips at every contraction and this also helped. I was on my knees holding onto a bed and squeezing an empty lotion bottle though the contractions, I listened to relaxing music, April brought lavender essential oil to me and we worked through all the contractions.  I actually didn’t mind them, everyone was joking with me about how well I was doing and how easy I made labor seem. Finally my water broke and the pushes started up. Yes, people contractions are NOTHING compared to when you actually have to push.

This is me pre-hospital room dilated about 9cm! I don’t look very happy

Take note again contractions are nothing compared with when you have to push. So I started the pushing around 5:30am. This was intense! It happened without me trying my body was just pushing my baby girl wanted out of womb. So we started with the pushing I tried hands and knees, I tried my original birthing plan of squatting and letting gravity do its thing but I just didn’t know how to push, I was trying to relax into these pushes and it wasn’t helping. I tried one leg up one leg down, that was a disaster. So I tried facing the wall on my knees and I couldn’t get a push out. So we had to go on my back with my legs up, the nurse grabbed one leg and Brendon grabbed the other leg and coached me through the pushes. I was so tired, at this point, I just wanted this to be over. I had to literally give it everything I had at that second to push through these pushes. Finally I figured out how to push and my daughters head was crowning. Brendon said it was the most amazing thing he had seen. I however, was not having it, I sang I can do all things through Christ who strengths me in my head the entire time pushing. Out loud I kept telling everyone it burned and hurt and I needed a break but they told me to keep going. So I did finally, 2+hours into pushing out came my princess. I didn’t yell at my husband or cuss the entire time all I did was let out the 2 biggest screams of my life the pushes right before I gave birth and when my baby came out. My life will never be the same. Brendon and I cried. My mom, my sister and Brendons mom all cried. They were in the room while we were giving birth. I delivered my placenta, Brendon cut the cord, I had a minor tear on the side and we went skin to skin.

I never knew you could fall in love so quickly and that your heart would forever be changed. More on that in another post, but honestly just staring at my daughter has made me want to be a better person, it has made my heart so full I just look at how beautiful the world is and how blessed we are to have been given the gift of life. How something so small and innocent needs me so much for everything. She’s so beautiful and sweet I can’t express into a word that is big enough or pure enough for how much my heart feels toward her. I literally already did forget how painful birth was or how crazy my pregnancy was because I have my daughter. There are a million things I think of daily of whats next, but I put my faith in God that it will all work out. I just want to enjoy every little moment with her that we have because I know that they go by so quickly and before I know it she won’t even be a baby or a newborn. I started crying at Babies R Us because they have a keep sake box for her first little shoes, and her hospital band.

My final advice for a drug free natural birth is to have a strong partner. Maybe you need to take a class for your mental prep, maybe you need to have an epidural because you just can’t do it but don’t put expectations on your self. Have a strong partner with you who is just there to love and support you. Breathe through everything and tell yourself yes you can, because honesty you can do anything you put your mind to.

Oh and mama is doing well too! Im ready to work out and resume normal activity! My tear is better and no bad constipation I didn’t even poo during labor. I don’t feel like I just gave birth, however, the no sleep baby up all night thing isn’t easy! Im drinking ALOT of water for my milk and my nipples are bleeding and cracked 😦 but thats ok! Coconut oil and mamas love have helped but OUCH bleeding scaby nipples are not fun at all, however, I will take them for the opportunity to breast feed.  I have been using amazing postpartum bands, I choose mama strut and I LOVE IT! Its comfy I started to wear it in the hospital the day of delivery and my squish is almost gone, bleeding is better and I feel like everything is getting back to normal. I also have been using all the fun baby carries and trying out all my baby items! Ill post more about that too! 🙂 In the hospital the only two things I wore were my mama strut(comes with shorts) and my nursing cape & nursing bra. At home I like to get dressed up for Brendon but have been lax lately because were so tired! Baby is sleeping about 2hours then she feeds then she sleeps and we change her.