Still trying to figure it out!

Today I asked myself why am I always trying to still figure it out? 

We wake up with the patterns we repeat everyday, we know what we have planed, activities food life duties etc. but do we all just do these things out of habit or do we have some story and reason behind them?

I want to feel that I have worth and significance and that I am of value and providing something to people. I strive to make myself better everyday and work hard and to tend to my gifts. So why do I feel like I am always trying to figure it out? I have jobs, I am in school, I am always doing something, but all the roles I take on sometimes feel like I still am waiting for that aaaaha moment. I’ve been praying for wisdom, asking God to show me my gift and guess what, my meditation this morning is about wisdom, the encounter verse that  pops up on my podcast feed is from James 1:5 about asking for faith without doubting for wisdom. (side note how crazy are our actual meta moments)

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

I’ve been working on myself lately, on how I am being received on my inner thoughts and on my outer appearance. One thing I am learning is I can’t ask people why I am not where I want to be or how to get there. I had someone tell me I need to re-vamp my social media, I had someone else tell me to take new head shots, I had someone tell me to start a podcast, I had someone else tell me to do a youtube. I was like I’ve done all these things and haven’t had the results I thought I would. Is there some magic formula I’m missing out on? Some algorithm of life that I somehow missed along my journey. I didn’t think so but then again sometimes I just don’t know. I feel like I’m still trying to figure it all out.

Then I finally realized everyone is! … trying to figure it out …

This big revelation didn’t come from 1000 hours of listening to motivational speakers or even paid therapists. This revelation didn’t come from my friends or the instagrams and the podcasts and the people I’ve been chatting with. It came from observation, and maybe that’s my gift I’ve been praying for wisdom about: that is a joke. Actually however, maybe praying for wisdom actually pointed in me the direction of observation of how others showcase their lives to look like they also have it all figured out. No matter what we all have different one thing we ultimately have in common is we want to be happy, whatever that personally looks like we want happiness. This is the main thing I’ve taken away from “trying to figure it out”. Listening to Dr. Myles Monroe he states we all put out what we want people to perceive. This too got me thinking, if we put out a message that we are so happy and we have it all figured out doesn’t that mean we should? I personally don’t think it does and that to me is ok! I think we just have to live life and try new experiences and see what sticks, see what we have to grow with and what in our lives we do have figured out. Even my husband who has a PhD doesn’t have it all figured out in life or personal relationships. So for you out there that are trying to figure it all out, take a moment to breathe to be present and thankful and to give up your expectations.

After all what does “figuring it all out” mean anyway. 

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