I don’t even know how to start this blog because the fact that I don’t even know what to say should say it all… if you know me you know that is rare. Voltas theme is street sports and the spirit of adventure, being authentic rather then superficial, and that freedom is the ultimate achievement.

Ok, so Brendon and I were invited to host the start studded red carpet for the premiere of Volta, the traveling Cirque du Soleil show. If your not familiar with the brand Cirque Du Soleil they are known for their amazing performances. They have everything us normies wish we could do, acrobatics, stunts, synchronized everything and they are actually in the business of making real magic. If you go to their brand website their motto is evoke, invoke and provoke. They  want to invoke the imagination, evoke emotions and provoke the senses. Lets just say you can expect that times 100 for all the cirque shows you attend.

Volta is a traveling cirque show and has everything you would expect from a cirque show and more. The music, the stunts, the performances and the story were all so beautiful and unique to the brand and exciting. I literally cried and laughed and had vivid dreams about the world that Volta created for me.

Back to being invited to the show, I am no stranger to a good Cirque show, after all I have self proclaimed that I am Vegas. So I have seen all the cirque Las Vegas shows more then once. However, I had yet to see a traveling tent Cirque show, I loved the experience. You won’t miss out on the non-traveling experience it is just as magical and far more intimate. Any time I am invited to something or asked to work with someone I go deep into Rachel the researcher mode. I read everything I could find out about Volta, about the performers about the show. I dug deep into finding videos from other shows they had been in, for the main character Waz this is his second Cirque show. I learned about the costumes, they are all hand made in Canada for each performer. They spare nothing, every detail means something and has a purpose. The beads on the free spirits are a material that won’t injure them in their acrobatic performance, the gold scales on Mr. Wows costume represent a dragon scale and make up the hard outer shell of Mr. Wow. The lighting and music is perfectly synced. The composer is Anthony Gonzalez of M83 who merges electric synth pop and classical music, the violinist even comes into the audience as if preforming only for you. The stage is built in real time y’all, as in each show they build a full out skate park for the BMX athletes. Oh they have BMX athletes! I WAS BLOWN AWAY by this! They have parkour athletes, a performer who uses her hair as a medium to float around the stage. There is nothing supporting her but her hair! The show is street sports that represent freedom mixed with current styles of our expression which are always evolving as a culture yet stay classic and grounded in our human experience. In other words it “WOWs” you! I highly recommend seeing the show.

The red carpet hosting was fun, we got to interview the actors of the show, I fan girl out alot. We were able to interview our friends walking the carpet and celebrities. However, the moment for me that made my hosting experience was discovering what gave me my moment of freedom and allowed me to let my guard down. See the show is about a game show contestant who is rejected by the audience for not being up to their societal norms.  The price of fame wares on the main character and he lovingly looks upon his childhood and journey to where he is now. Along the way there are “free spirits” who guide him to become free and breakthrough to realize what he was ashamed of is actually what makes him so unique and beautiful on the inside. He’s ready to share his gift. I had the privilege to ask numerous people and also ask myself what was my moment of freedom throughout my game show contestant journey? I self reflected on when I knew that it was ok to be different even if I had become ostracized from the group. For me on big brother 12 no one liked me because I was different the fans, the house guests, maybe production and I wasn’t sure what I was doing at the time and I so desperately wanted to fit in to have people like me. I can go deeper into that at a later blog, but what I realized was that I should just be me flaws and all and someone will like me, and most importantly I have to like me. Well, I had my person on the show that helped me realize that, Brendon who loved me as a human just for being me. For being loud and being a little wild and standing out he didn’t care that I wore sequins, had bright red hair extensions and a backstory for days. He accepted me as me mess and all and that felt good. Sometimes we need the free spirits and the partners to accept us as us, sometimes we need people to be our people so we can truly realize how unique we are.

I learned alot from this show, and I hope that I can be someones “free spirit” to guide them to their freedom and their place where they know its ok to be unique even if that means different.

We are all different and the only “normal” is defined by being like the crowd … think about that! 

Cirque du Soleil’s “Volta,” featuring a variety of gravity-defying acts, is the 18th show the troupe has performed under the big top. “Volta” continues in the Dodger Stadium parking lot though March 8 before moving to the Orange County Fair & Event Center. (Photo by Benoit Z. Leroux/Courtesy Cirque du Soleil)

I also felt that after self reflection on my 10 year journey on reality TV that I can now be more real. I have always been a person that has tried to make sense of these experiences and where my journey is going and why and I applaud Cirques’ Volta for Evoking emotions in my 3 hour experience, for provoking all my senses including inspiring me, and for invoking my imagination, making me realize I can be unique I can dream big and giving me the opportunity to self reflect in such an impactful way.

More Photos of the Premiere – Voltas’ Facebook Page

Today I asked myself why am I always trying to still figure it out? 

We wake up with the patterns we repeat everyday, we know what we have planed, activities food life duties etc. but do we all just do these things out of habit or do we have some story and reason behind them?

I want to feel that I have worth and significance and that I am of value and providing something to people. I strive to make myself better everyday and work hard and to tend to my gifts. So why do I feel like I am always trying to figure it out? I have jobs, I am in school, I am always doing something, but all the roles I take on sometimes feel like I still am waiting for that aaaaha moment. I’ve been praying for wisdom, asking God to show me my gift and guess what, my meditation this morning is about wisdom, the encounter verse that  pops up on my podcast feed is from James 1:5 about asking for faith without doubting for wisdom. (side note how crazy are our actual meta moments)

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

I’ve been working on myself lately, on how I am being received on my inner thoughts and on my outer appearance. One thing I am learning is I can’t ask people why I am not where I want to be or how to get there. I had someone tell me I need to re-vamp my social media, I had someone else tell me to take new head shots, I had someone tell me to start a podcast, I had someone else tell me to do a youtube. I was like I’ve done all these things and haven’t had the results I thought I would. Is there some magic formula I’m missing out on? Some algorithm of life that I somehow missed along my journey. I didn’t think so but then again sometimes I just don’t know. I feel like I’m still trying to figure it all out.

Then I finally realized everyone is! … trying to figure it out …

This big revelation didn’t come from 1000 hours of listening to motivational speakers or even paid therapists. This revelation didn’t come from my friends or the instagrams and the podcasts and the people I’ve been chatting with. It came from observation, and maybe that’s my gift I’ve been praying for wisdom about: that is a joke. Actually however, maybe praying for wisdom actually pointed in me the direction of observation of how others showcase their lives to look like they also have it all figured out. No matter what we all have different one thing we ultimately have in common is we want to be happy, whatever that personally looks like we want happiness. This is the main thing I’ve taken away from “trying to figure it out”. Listening to Dr. Myles Monroe he states we all put out what we want people to perceive. This too got me thinking, if we put out a message that we are so happy and we have it all figured out doesn’t that mean we should? I personally don’t think it does and that to me is ok! I think we just have to live life and try new experiences and see what sticks, see what we have to grow with and what in our lives we do have figured out. Even my husband who has a PhD doesn’t have it all figured out in life or personal relationships. So for you out there that are trying to figure it all out, take a moment to breathe to be present and thankful and to give up your expectations.

After all what does “figuring it all out” mean anyway. 

Adora is ALMOST 10months old, which literally blows my mind. It feels like just yesterday she was born and in two months she’ll be one year! What a difference a year makes when you have a baby. Your life LITERALLY changes. Brendon and I had thought for the first few months wow this baby thing is no joke. What are we going to do to enrich her and make her happy and have an amazing life? We think we’ve done a pretty good job so far and have had alot of fun and made some incredible memories. Yet, I always see these mom blogs talking about how much their baby sleeps, and how they just have a little one that always is on a schedule and actually sleeps in their own bed. Adora still bed shares with us and won’t nap unless I nap with her or take her for a stroll. Then I started poking around the internet late night after I had tricked her to sleep, glass of wine in hand. I found an article by Dr. Sears, the high needs baby.

& BAM THERE IT WAS I FINALLY FELT LIKE IT ALL MADE SENSE! 

*I just want to make a note this article is purely for ideas and suggestions on how to work through the trying times of young baby hood. When I’m being honest it’s hard and I cry and a struggle. Yet I know I’ll forget all the tears and struggles and the hard times will pass but the memories you make working through the hard times will never be forgotten. I still can’t put Adora down she loves to be carried, which can be trying, but I won’t ever forget the times I’ve had carrying her and how special of a bonding time it’s been. (I won’t forget the lack of sleep haha)

1.  Intense– Adora was always alert she never was ok with just being in the room sleeping in a bassinet, she never was ok with being in a co-sleeper or pack and play she was not a napper, not a sleeper, and she just wasn’t interested in being a baby she was ready to already see clearly, talk, have her needs met and know everything about the world. This was ok for mama because I was ready to take her out and explore, but some moms have a hard time with this and its ok it just takes extra planing.

2. hyper-active – I wouldn’t call Adora hyperactive but she was hyper tonic. As a new born she wouldn’t let me swaddle her she hated having her arms wrapped up and even more hated being constrained in a seat buckle, car seat or anything she couldn’t freely move in and out of. She HATES a pack and play and hates anything with bars. So we’ve made adjustments to her personality. She co-sleeps with us and we’ve moved our bed right onto the floor. If I put her down for a nap (she never naps) I will keep her moving in the stroller or I will lay her on a mat on the floor next to the bed with a blanket. I’ve set up her play areas and room in open areas so that she always feels like she has the run of the place. She has access to everything and anything not baby friendly we keep high out of reach.

3. draining– this sounds bad and moms you know how this can be at the end of the day your just done! sometimes during the day your just drained. This does too pass moms already Adora is starting to play by her self with toys and we load her up with classes so she’s very active.

4. feeds frequently – I don’t think we can say enough how frequently. I wrote a short story about how often she feeds and how mommy was not a pacifier in the beginning. haha it was that much – which added to the drain of being a new mommy.

5.demanding– Adora will cry if she doesn’t get her way and so will most babies, they can’t speak English and they can’t communicate to us how they feel and what they need. It’s a guessing game moms and some will throw fits. We’ve started to not respond to the demands and just to say no no quietly and nicely. USUALLY if I pop out a boob it’ll get that demanding attitude in check, but we can’t ALWAYS do this so I have come up with other things to understand her so we can all communicate better.

6. awakens frequently – yea this too shall pass one day they actually do sleep through the night and even if your lucky they will nap. Adora, however, never naps. She will be ready for bed around 9pm and wake up around 7:30am. She wakes a few times in the night but she is still bed sharing with us and this is what she needs to feel comfortable in her own environment. We are ok with working with her to make her feel safe and comfortable at her own time she will be in her own bed.

7. unsatisfied – Well yea sometimes it felt like no matter what we did it wasn’t enough. I thought my milk wasn’t coming in fast enough or thick enough or that she was just hungry or cold or hot whatever it was I wasn’t giving her what she needed. But that also passed and we came out stronger and better and I learned that taking Adora out of the house really helped alot. It was just a matter of how to comfort Adora.

8. unpredictable – This one goes along with unsatisfied. What worked one day didn’t seem to work the next with Adora. I can now tell from her smiles and her excitement what does work but she’s almost 10months old now and it took me at least 8months to really figure out how to get a schedule and what would work for her. It was really hard to figure out what she likes, but eventually, I got it right. Adora loves being around other kids as long as she gets attention from adults and she loves to go outside and she loves to be worn. She loves feeling loved and she loves when she is #1. She eats up the attention. Figure that out and the rest of the unpredictability just fades away.

9. super sensitive – Being supersensitive is actually really a positive trait in Adora. She gets it when other kids her age are feeling something and she also is receptive to my feelings and gets it when I feel. This is something I really treasure in her personality. She also LOVES positive reinforcements so basically anytime I say YAY or GET EXCITED for her she’s really happy.

10. cant put baby down– This goes without saying in most babies but espcailly the baby they are refering to Adora DOES NOT LIKE TO BE PUT DOWN. She doesn’t want to play alone, be alone, or be put down. This is a great trait also for bonding with mom and sometimes drives me nuts but I think about how I will remember all these times with her. She also is super social at classes and play group so I know I can take her and she’s going to be happy.

11. not a self soother – Well sometimes I wish this were not the case, however, with Adora not being a self soother is ok. She wants mommy to soothe her and she wants to figure out things with mommy. She won’t go back to sleep without me being around but I think she will eventually get there. I’m not patient and I’ve learned with a high needs baby you sometimes just need to be more patient. I swear I always ask God to make me more patient and he’s given me little Adora to make sure I’m learning that fruit of the spirit.

12. separation sensitive – Adora wants to be with mom and dad all the time. She doesn’t like strangers unless they are under 3. Seriously I can leave her playing with kids her age and she is having a blast but a strange adult and she’s not happy. This is also a reason we don’t have a baby sitter for her yet. She’s actually been getting better at going to kids club at the gym and also going to classes where mommy watches her but doesn’t participate but this has been a process so mamas just be patient.

I think all babies are basically high need, it’s just the degree of need their individual personality longs for. Even as I write some of this I had her on the boob feeding. No joke, I started reading about this type of baby and it all made sense. Its not a bad thing moms, its just a personality. She’s amazing and so much fun and so smart, just more work then your typical little one that just sleeps and eats and poos. It’s why I couldn’t finish my youtube channel or barely start one. It’s why I can’t sit down and write a blog, it’s taken me a week to write this one. There are some baby’s that are just more demanding of our time. Just like some adults, but aren’t they worth it. I say 10000% Adora is worth every extra tear and bit of work I put into her. I know its hard sometimes mamas especially when your baby is more demanding of your time, but you can do it, and even when you think you can’t just know that there are other moms out there dealing with the same issues thinking about the same things. For us classes, outings and going outside helped so much. Also just to know that there are babies that need extra attention too made me feel more normal.   So its a good thing I’m a high needs mom and was ready for her.

So reading the title of this you’re probably thinking when did she take a SM & Blog break? Well we did!

To be honest it was the MOST AMAZING thing we have done in a while!

In life we don’t get time back. We can always make more money, write more blogs, twitter will always be there and no one will even notice if you’re not on. One thing we can NEVER get back is time. Adora and I love to share photos and videos and just our lives in general with everyone. Yes, Adora loves to pose for photos and she literally lights up when we do photo shoots so yes she likes to share also. Then we started getting mommy shamed and baby shamed. I think I am a damn good mom, I take Adora all around, I teach her two languages and we play in a third, we do gym time and playground time and story book hour, I take her to music class and we play with instruments, we do art work and learn about the world, and most importantly I love her so much and do everything I can to make her life amazing. 🙂 Every mom is different so why judge me and my LO for doing to much???? UM yes you judgy mom I’m talking about you! Then I even had a mom tell me my baby had something wrong with them and that was the breaking point, you NON DOCTOR judgy mom from the internet don’t tell me that my baby has a problem. I told Brendon and he told me to ignore the haters like so many times before.

I thought WHY SHOULD I IGNORE THE HATERS? WHY SHOULD I EVEN SHARE ANYTHING?? Then I did it— I TOOK A SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK! I don’t know if anyone noticed or cared but it felt amazing. I stopped caring what other people thought of me at all. I stopped having to snap photos for posting and worrying about looking like the perfect instagram pic- I stopped worrying about good lighting and photo shop and Adora and I just lived! There were times when I wanted to share, Halloween, Dia de los muertos and other cute times, and I thought wait do I just want to share these moments to show off or am I even trying to connect anymore?

When did social media become some weird business anyway? Where we post photos just so we can get someone to give us free stuff or pay us a little bit of money? We want to make money also but thats not what this was supposed to be about! Why do I have to post on social media to feel like I am even living life? As if Adora and I are doing something that we have to show off so our feeds will look awesome. It took Kim K being held at gun point to take a social media break and Chrissy T just recently made her twitter private because of this so I’m not the only mom feeling like this.

We want to live in the moment we decided to actually LIVE. Theres something freeing about not worrying about your next post or obsessing about if your going to have someone want to work with you. After just taking time to ‘Get a life’ and ‘enjoy my life’ it actually has become more enjoyable to use social media for what it was created for – connecting with people, and we’ve finally given up on caring how many posts we make or how many likes we get we actually are back to enjoying posting and sharing! And friends If I get back into my crazy antics again please call me out heheh 🙂 XO Rachel

Hey guys as you know Adora is now 6months old. I wanted to talk about what helped me postpartum. Being a new mom IS NOT EASY! Theres no magical moment that makes your family just come together with birds flying and pixie dust, we wish mamas but theres not. So you have to make it work for you. This morning I met a mom with a 14month old who just now is working through her postpartum. She congratulated me for getting out and doing things all the time. In my brian I was like you have no idea I thought I wasn’t doing enough hahah, Go figure!

Truth is I go out because it helps me feel like Im doing something! It makes us feel like we are teaching Adora, getting her exposed to different things and teaching her through play. I just love her so much and I want her to have all the opportunities in the world and love learning. I get so nervous I’m not doing enough or that Adora should already be talking or something!

So to ease my anxiety and make me feel better I developed a schedule for us. No matter what we try to stick to it to make me feel sane. Of course the schedule will change based on Adora for the day or if we feel especially tired or have an appointment. It also changes based on free days, the museums or any type of festival that is going on. Also some days she will nap longer then an hour so mom can actually get stuff done!

*Mondays I TRY to take her to the beach or hiking

*Tuesdays are museum or art gallery days I find all the free ones great to go to!

*Wednesday is music class or library story hour and day & VIB baby hour

*Thursdays are free days at Skirll ball Center and other kid museums & gym class

* Fridays I try to take her out to the beach or on a hike/longer walk

*Saturday is family time and so is Sunday so we plan family centered activities! 🙂

The reason I share this is because sometimes as a new mom I used to look around on blogs for typical schedules other moms would do. It helped me to feel like I could figure out this whole new mom thing… Somedays I can’t do anything until 1pm and some days she’s up at 5am so these schedules don’t mean anything, but its nice to know what other moms do to make it through their day.

What do you do with your new baby, especially the first year? Leave comments and suggestions below for us! 🙂