I am so blessed to breast feed, I keep reading about woman who couldn’t breast feed or who tried it and it wasn’t for them. I get to spend this special time with my daughter skin to skin or just popping out a boob that I truly do treasure. BuT MAN IS IT HARD WHEN THEY CLUSTER FEED! So your nipples hurt, and by hurt I mean they bleed, they scab over, and when baby latches on its not just a pinch its like a clamp. OUCH! And don’t get me started on cluster feeding- it’s a 24/7 attachment to your breasts, literally, it’s a non-stop feed session. My friend recently said this to me “my daughter cluster fed for 3months, your going to have breakdowns, your going to cry, your going to think it never gets better but then it does” my other friend said “I’ve been stuck on the couch for weeks, I literally can’t do anything, I’ve watched everything on netflix” someone online told me “treasure this time because its your special time with her and it goes so fast”
In the midst of this human cow phase where your boobs are not longer sexy but become a human feeding machine, a pacifier when they want to soothe, and a constant bleeding scabby mess you realize how this is so not what you thought the “newborn phase” was. Didn’t someone tell you newborns sleep all the time and have schedules where you can nap and get stuff done when they nap? You stop wearing a bra completely because well whats the point at home when you know your baby is about to latch on in the next 2minutes even though they just fed twice. You worked so hard to not get stretch marks during pregnancy but you’ve come to realize that you are going to have them on your boobs because you can’t use fancy creams you don’t want to use anything with chemicals that baby could smell or touch or taste, you try coconut oil on the whole boob hoping there won’t be marks but then you realize your baby is about to latch on the second after you put on any type of oil or the nipple balms they make. You have accepted the fact that you will take a shower maybe every other day, if you take a shower daily your lucky and you should high 5 yourself if you do! You realize that you really won’t be going back to the gym or yoga studio or salon anytime soon…. you planed on it you pumped a bottle you have grandma ready and then your lil one won’t accept anything except your boob and some mommy cuddle time! It makes you feel very special but its also a bit overwhelming. My daughter literally just wants to be attached to me every second. I bought an app for baby development and it says that “baby views mom and baby as one entity” THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME! My daughter thinks we are still attached and when we are not she is not a happy baby.
Don’t get me wrong I AM IN LOVE WITH MY BABY! I am in love with her crying, her cute lil’ cooing, her cute teradactyl screams, her constant need for me and that I am her everything. I wouldn’t change this for anything but it is hard! You do want to cry a few times and you do sit around thinking who am I at this point in my life? Then you get creative, my Zen is my ergo carrier right now because my baby will actually nurse, fall asleep and I can be hands free.(thank you aunt Jeanie) And my light weight baby jogger because its quick out of the car (thank you aunt Elissa). I take her on walks and we get out as much as possible. I also spend my time reading mommy blogs and advice on breast feeding. What to eat, what to make, how to check the latch and how to not go crazy. I found a way to do baby sit-ups (yes this is a thing) I stretch out when I can because I can’t find an hour to make yoga so I do little yoga session between milk comas. I eat and type now when baby is nursing I found two boppys and pillow stacks very helpful for this, although I have to shamefully admit I have spilled food on her onesies, I even put receiving blankets over her so I don’t and somehow I still manage to, she doesn’t seem to mind though she just keeps getting deeper into her milk comas. Our pediatrician told us that they cluster feed during growth spurts, well I guess our lil’ Adora-dactyl is growing a lot and I am happy for this and for netflix, hulu, HBO now, CBS all access and iPhones (she did gain all her weight back-YIPPIE!)
I realize that this new baby time is precious and priceless and that I should enjoy it because they do grow up so fast she’s already 2weeks old! I cried because at babies r us they had a keepsake box for their little shoes and newborn hats! So trust me moms out there I am not taking this time for granted and I am so in love with my baby, but its hard, and all you moms know what I’m talking about. We’ve had help gosh I can’t imagine if the moms haven’t been here to help, my mom was here 2 weeks and Brendons mom is here now! This new mommy phase is so crazy but no I wouldn’t change my life right now for anything in the world, and I can’t wait to watch my lil’ angel grow up. So when you see me with puffy cry eyes, or bags because I haven’t slept in days, when I have the same outfit on or when I post an insta trying to look like I have it all together don’t judge just know I’m trying to figure it all out too, and experience everything – after all we only live this time in our lives once I will never have a first baby again and I will never get to experience this time again with such a sense of newness and wide eye amazement because after this I will be a pro (ha!) and the first time confusion wondering and constant praying you don’t mess up will seem like a dream. So I’ll take this time like I do everything else in my life and go for it 100% and experience everything I can and really enjoy this part of life also, even when the going gets hard and tiring, I wouldn’t give up this part of life or this part of my journey for anything. OH AND GRAB A LITER OF WATER, SNACKS, YOUR SMART PHONE, A FEW PILLOWS AND GET READY FOR A MARATHON.